


Pretty Mess

by chiona



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:38:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiona/pseuds/chiona
Summary: After years of friendship, Roy begins to realise his true feelings for Danny. A biadore fic set during / after all stars 2 (reupload, i deleted this whole fic off of here a while ago but I decided to continue it, so like...yeah)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Guess who's back in the house? I deleted this fic completely from here like last august i think? because i didn't really have any desire to continue it + I became completely detached from reading fanfic so I didn't really want it up anymore. But, the truth is I'm a bit attached to this fic and I want to at least get it done because I'm back on my bullshit reading fanfiction like every day. So like...enjoy

 

A loud knock on the door stirred Roy from his deep sleep. Squinting and grumpy, he sat up and rubbed his eyes groggily. The knocking was rhythmic, loud and continuous, and the noise was drilling into Roy’s brain, impossible for him to ignore.

“What the fuck…” he muttered, checking the time. It was 4am. Who could be knocking on his door with such determination at this time of night? Coughing, he sat up and stumbled to the front door. When the knocking still wouldn’t stop, he got incredibly agitated and yelled out in a hoarse voice that he was coming. He opened the door, preparing himself to yell at whoever was behind it, but stopped himself when he was met with a pair of glassy, green eyes.

“Danny? What are you do doing here?” Roy asked, rubbing his eyes. Danny was the last person he expected to see standing at his front door at 4am, crying his eyes out. Roy was in shock; in all their years of friendship he had never seen him like this before. Danny’s eyes were red and puffy, tears streaming from them, his makeup smudged and chaotic. Sure, Roy had seen him cry before, but this time, something was different. This time he seemed so small, so dishevelled and wrecked, that this seemed more like a breakdown.

“Can I come in?” he asked in a small voice, sniffing.

“Of course you can,” Roy opened the door properly so his friend could walk in, “Danny, what’s wrong?”

Danny didn’t respond, but kept walking, making a beeline for the kitchen. Roy slowly followed after him, and when he stopped, Danny was standing in the kitchen in the kitchen, downing a glass of water. Roy turned on the lights, making Danny squint and screw up his face. It was different seeing him in this light; when Roy could see Danny’s face more clearly it became apparent that Danny had been crying for a long time, and that he hadn’t had very much sleep over the past few days, indicated by the puffiness of his eyes, and dark bags circling them.  
Roy sat on a barstool, watching Danny calm himself down. He felt guilty at the thought that he found Danny quite beautiful when he cried. The tears brought out his dark green eyes, and Roy was drowning in them.

“Sorry for showing up out of the blue like this” Danny finally broke the silence, sitting up on the kitchen counter and crossing his legs.

“It’s okay, Danny, just… talk to me. What’s the matter? Aren’t you supposed to be filming for All Stars?”

“I left” Danny stated blankly, his expression shifting from distraught to uncomfortably blank.

“Wh-you were eliminated? I’m gonna cut up Ru’s wigs if you-”

“No,” Danny cut him of, smiling slightly at how quick Roy was to defend him, “I left. I had a bit of a breakdown and…tapped out. I came here straight from the airport because I… I don’t know, I just needed you”

Roy'a heart warmed, but he was left speechless. Tapping out? That was the last thing he expected Danny to do.

“What set off the breakdown?” , was all he could think to ask.

“Lots of things, I guess…,” Danny contemplated, tears still streaming down his cheeks, “this breakup is still fucking with my head, and I’ve been working myself too hard and I’m just so exhausted. And, the critiques on the main stage were just bringing down and criticising my aesthetic, and I just… I just couldn’t handle it”. He stopped himself from saying any more, realising he was rambling. He didn’t want to bore Roy.

“Geez, Danny, why didn’t you come to talk to me about all that shit?” Roy asked, a sympathetic yet critical tone in his voice, as he reached out to hold Danny’s hand.

“Because I didn’t want to…” Danny answered, his head spinning, as he grabbed onto Roy’s hand and squeezed it tight, “I was depressed as hell and I was suppressing everything and bottling it all up, and I guess I finally broke” Danny’s voice cracked, starting to sob again.

“Oh Danny…” Roy comforted, his heart breaking at the sight of his best friend in such a state. He had no idea things had been so hard for Danny, and he almost felt guilty for being so absent recently. Roy climbed up onto the kitchen counter so he could give Danny a tight hug. The younger boy clung onto Roy for dear life, unable to make sense of all the thoughts whirring through his head.

“I just feel so weak” Danny finally admitted, burying his head into Roy’s chest. Roy pushed him away gently and grabbed him by the shoulders, staring him straight in the eye. He tried his hardest to not be too distracted by how beautiful they looked.

“You aren’t weak. You knew what you had to do to be happy, and if that meant leaving, it meant leaving. Prioritising your mental health over your job isn’t weak, Danny.” he asserted. Roy wiped a tear from Danny’s cheek, smiled at him softly and told him, “You’re one of the strongest people I know”

Danny smiled sadly at Roy, tears continuing to fall. It was moments like these that he was so, incredibly grateful for Roy. He wasn’t joking when he said that Roy was his ride or die. Danny leaned over and kissed Roy on the cheek, pulling him into another hug.

“Thank you” he whispered into his ear. Roy smiled and kissed his cheek back, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing tightly.

“Could I sleep here tonight?” Danny asked

“Of course you can” Roy agreed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “There’s not much left of the night anyway”

“Sorry about that,” Danny grinned, but still felt guilty for showing up unannounced,“Can I sleep in your bed, next to you?” he asked timidly.

Roy smiled softly, and kissed Danny on the head

“Sure, chola. As long as you don’t try to suck me off”

“Shut up, you cunt” Danny laughed, punching him on the shoulder. Roy couldn’t help but smile when he heard Danny’s laugh ; it was so full and genuine that it instantly made him happy. They climbed off the counter and made their way to Roy’s bedroom, climbing under the warmth of the blankets.

Danny got himself comfortable, resting his head on Roy’s chest.

“Goodnight Roy” he whispered, closing his eyes, “and… thank you for always being there for me. I’ll return the favour one day”

“There’s no need, chola,” Roy responded, “Goodnight, Danny”

Long after he said good night, Roy’s eyes remained wide open, staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of Danny’s breathing evening out. After about 10 minutes, he couldn’t sleep. His thoughts about Danny were spiralling through his head ; thinking of how he had such a soft spot for him ; how much he loved him ; wondering why there were butterflies in his stomach whenever he and Danny made the slightest contact. He just couldn’t stop thinking.

He was dragged out of his thoughts by Danny shifting slightly in his sleep, nestling in closer to Roy. He waited for a few seconds, until he was sure Danny was asleep, and then leaned over to kiss his forehead, softly whispering,

“I love you, Danny"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> massive TW for s*lf harm, its fairly graphic

As Danny woke up, he no longer had the warmth of Roy’s arms around him that he had fallen asleep to. Instead, the comfortable feeling was replaced with a splitting headache. Groaning and half opening his eyes, he slowly turned over. Danny had slept so heavily that he felt sluggish and groggy, which made moving an effort. When he finally sat up, he closed his eyes and frowned. Not only did he have an incredibly bad headache, but the brain fog clouding his mind was stopping him from thinking straight. He couldn’t really remember much, but he did know that he was at Roy’s apartment and they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. However, as he swung out of bed and pressed his feet into the floor, everything came back, flooding his mind all at once. All Stars. Breaking down. Bawling his eyes out to Roy on the kitchen counter.

“Fuck…” he whispered, running his hands lazily through his oily hair. Danny didn’t really didn’t want to have to think about any of that, so he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. Despite the fact that he just wanted to sleep everything away, Danny told himself that he’d slept enough, and decided against it. Instead, he stood up and stumbled over to his bag to grab out his carton of cigarettes. Curling up in the armchair next to the window, he stared out the window at the night sky. I must have been sleeping for a while, he assumed, looking up at the stars.He then lit his cigarette with trembling hands, letting his thoughts get wrapped up in Roy. Danny kind of felt bad for showing up unannounced, especially in the state that he was in. The guilt mainly came from the thought that he was just dumping his problems on Roy’s doorstep. It made him feel guilty even though he knew Roy didn’t mind at all. Danny couldn’t even begin to explain how thankful he was for him. Roy had always been a very guarded person, not really ever opening up or showing any emotion when he was upset about something. Come to think of it, Danny had never actually seem him cry. He had this stoic sort of strength that Danny had always admired, especially since he was the polar opposite. Apart from all of that, Danny knew that Roy cared about him a lot, and it honestly made him feel so special; the fact that the cold hearted, judgemental bitch that Roy (or, more accurately, Bianca) presented himself as went away when they were alone together. Staring out the window as he smoked one cigarette, then two, then three, he continued to think. This was until he was interrupted by the bedroom door opening. Danny turned around and saw Roy holding a cup of coffee.

“I thought I could smell something.Bitch, that better not be weed” he snapped jokingly, striding over to Danny in a few steps.

“Calm down, abuela, it’s not” Danny laughed, grabbing the coffee and taking a sip from it, before handing it back to Roy.

“Don’t abuela me, you douche” Roy laughed, snatching the half finished cigarette from Danny’s hand and butting it out on a napkin.

“Hey!” Danny whined, looking up at Roy with big green eyes.

“You know I hate it when you smoke, chola”

“I’m a free bitch” Danny argued, reaching to fish a new cigarette out of the carton.

Roy opened his mouth to protest, before deciding against it, as he realised there was no point in arguing. Danny probably needed a cigarette after the rough couple of day’s he’d had.

“Are you feeling any better?” Roy asked, watching Danny breathe out cigarette smoke.

“A little bit,” Danny admitted, feeling his expression stiffen, “I’m just…I’m not sure how to feel”

That was a lie. Danny knew exactly how he felt. Embarrassed. Depressed. Anxious. Like he was going to start crying any minute. He forced all of the feelings away by taking a massive drag from his cigarette, holding the toxins in his lungs for as long as he could.

Roy only nodded in understanding, because he knew that Danny was lying. He honestly felt like he knew Danny better than he knew himself. However, he didn’t want to pry, or possibly even see Danny cry again, so he just sat there, mesmerised by the younger man. He just looked so beautiful-his eyes were sleepy and half open, the light from the window illuminating his features. Roy felt his heart flutter in his chest as Danny lifted the cigarette to his lips to kiss the filter, taking another very long drag. Snapping out of his thoughts, Roy swiftly changed the topic.

“I got a text from Shane a few minutes ago asking if we wanted to go out drinking tonight with him, if you wanna come get some shit off your mind?” Roy offered. He tried and failed to not feel that pang in his stomach when he saw Danny’s face light up at the offer.

“I’m down!” Danny smiled, taking one last puff of his cigarette.

“Of course you are,” Roy retorted sarcastically, “I knew you’d wanna drink away your problems”

Danny laughed, and with a small wink in Roy’s direction stood up and put down his coffee. He tentatively walked over to where Roy was sitting and knelt down in front of him.

“Thank you, Roy” he breathed out, looking him straight in the eye.

“What for?” Roy asked, trying to hide how heavily he was breathing.

“Just… everything. You’re such an amazing friend”

Danny leaned up to hug him, and Roy hugged back, wondering why his heart fell at the use of the word ‘friend’.

“Thanks and all, chola, but where is this coming from all of a sudden?” Roy asked with a small chuckle, nonetheless hugging his friend back.

“Nowhere,” Danny smiled, “I love you” he whispered, kissing him on the cheek. He lingered there longer than he probably should have. They remained there, in each others arms, for neither of them knew how long. Roy buried his head into Danny’s shoulder, breathing in his scent; mint and cigarettes. When Danny finally pulled away, he asked,

“Do you mind if I have a shower? I’m feeling a bit gross”

“Yeah, you know where it is” Roy replied.

With one last smile at Roy, Danny grabbed his bag and went down the hall, walking into the third door to his right. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he leaned his head back against the wall, letting out a breathy sigh. Why were his thoughts so scattered? Why was he breathing so heavily? He hugged Roy all the time, told him he loved him all the time, but why did this time seem…different? Danny kicked himself; his lips had stayed pressed to Roy’s cheek a little longer than they should have been, and now Roy was probably weirded out or something. Everything in his mind was moving around so frantically and he couldn’t make sense of anything. Hopefully, a nice hot shower would fix that. He turned on the water and undressed while waiting for it to heat up. Instantly, his eyes darted to the fresh scars littered all over his thighs. They were only from a couple of days ago, still in the process of healing. Seeing them made his chest tighten. Don’t, he thought, staring at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror. Shaking his head, he frantically reached into his bag and grabbed out the silver blade that he carried with him everywhere.

Don’t fucking do this, his head was screaming at him. But he didn’t listen to the voice as he stepped into the shower. Tediously, he made a cut on his upper thigh, moving slowly as he watched the blood trickle from his leg. It was hurting like hell, but Danny was fulfilled by the pain, enjoying the sort of high that it gave him. He continued to make deep cuts all over his thighs, until there were a plethora of fresh bleeding slices all over them. As he turned off the water, Danny watched, mesmerised at the sight of his blood circling down the drain.

He didn’t even bother to clean the cuts up, not really caring if they got infected, and slipped on a pair of jeans and a red crop top, with a pair of doc marten boots. For the first time in a couple of days, he didn’t look like a walking zombie. When he met Roy again in the lounge room, he was smiling as he sent off a text.

“I’m ready” Danny announced, forcing a grin to meet his eyes. Roy looked up at Danny and smiled, and the sight of his prominent dimples made Danny’s heart flutter.

“Well let’s go then, chola”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda wanna address why I even included the s*lf h*rming in the first place. Its because at the time I wrote this, I was really struggling with pretty much exactly what Danny's character was going through in terms of s*lf h*rm and I was using writing this fic as a outlet for me to let all my shit out, especially because at this point i wasn't telling anyone what was going on. However, I'm no longer dealing with it, I'm nearly 7 months clean that means that now that I no longer need to vent, the plot point of s*lf h*rm is going to be much less significant than it originally started out to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello so like I’m really proud of this chapter, like you have no idea, and it’s a super long one as well. Enjoy, thotties

Danny was completely silent during the car ride to the club. As soon as he and Roy got into the car he connected his phone to the aux cord and blasted his music through the speakers. Roy didn’t protest. He did protest, however, when Danny rolled down the window and went to light a cigarette.

“Not in my car, chola” he snapped, coming off a little harsher than he intended. Danny’s expression fell. Clearing his throat, he leaned back and rested his feet on the dashboard, closing his eyes, and focused on the music.

When Roy reached a stoplight, he looked over at Danny discreetly. He still had his eyes closed, lost in thought. One thing Roy always loved about him was the way he listened to music. Roy could tell from his expression-eyebrows slightly furrowed, mouth hanging open slightly and wide eyes - that he always concentrated on it, letting the melody sink in as he listened to it. He always wore this expression whenever he listened to music, and when he did Roy always made sure to catch a glimpse of it. When Danny’s head turned to look at Roy, he quickly snapped his head back forwards, hoping that Danny hadn’t noticed. He had. He didn’t say anything though, he just smiled softly and rested his head on the window, staring out at the sky.

“You okay, chola?” Roy asked, watching Danny stare out the window forlornly.

“Yeah, I’m fine” Danny lied, shooting Roy an unconvincing smile. After a small pause, the sound of the car engine the only thing filling the silence, Roy spoke again.

“We don’t have to go tonight if you don’t want to?”

“I’m fine, Roy” Danny replied in the most convincing voice he could, not bringing his attention away from the view from the car window.

He wasn’t fine, though. Of course he was excited to go and hang out with his best friends for the night, but to be honest with himself, he wasn’t really in the mood to be doing so at a club. Danny would much rather curl up on the couch with them and watch a movie or something, because the thought of being in a club all night made him worried. Worried that he couldn’t go home with anyone because of the scars covering his thighs. Worried that his low mood would ruin the night for Roy and Shane. Worried that they would worry about him. He didn’t want to seem like some emotional cry baby who needed to be constantly checked on, but sometimes that’s exactly how he felt whenever either of them worried about him. Suddenly, he waved the thoughts flooding his mind away as Roy found a parking space. As he got out of the car and began walking slowly towards the entrance, he gripped Roy’s hand and squeezed it. Despite his uncertainty as to why Danny was gripping his hand with such strength, he squeezed back just as tight. They had no choice but to let go, however, when Danny was greeted with a bone-crushing hug from an already drunk Courtney, clad in full drag. Danny was more than happy to hug Courtney back with the same strength; they hadn’t seen each other for a while.

“I missed you sooo much Adorm” Courtney slurred into Danny’s ear. Okay, maybe she was a little more than slightly drunk.

“I missed you too, Courm,” Danny laughed, looping his arms around her waist, “Bitch, you should have told me you were getting in full drag tonight, I would have beat my face properly”

“Bitch, I wouldn’t have” Roy snapped jokingly, pulling Courtney in for a hug. Danny stepped back slightly, a strange pang in his stomach. Seeing them so close for some reason made his expression stiffen, and he didn’t know why. His shoulders fell slightly, and, as he watched them giggle and chat together, he turned and made a beeline straight for the bar. He ordered a drink, and while he was restlessly moving around on the spot as he waited for it, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Are you okay, Adorm?” It was Courtney.

“Yeah, I’m fine” he managed to say, downing his drink.

“Then come dance with meeee” Courtney pleaded, swiftly changing the subject as she grabbed onto his hand and attempted to pull him over to the dance floor.

“Not right now, Courm” Danny shook his head, his nerves starting to take control.

“Alright then, I’ll just have to find trade without you” Courtney stated, as though Danny was seriously missing out, and then disappeared, out of sight. Danny let out a sigh of relief. He really wasn’t in the mood to dance tonight- the thought of dancing with random guys and grinding up against them, something he normally did when he went out, made his skin crawl. Fervently, he took another large gulp of his drink, and by the time he placed it back on the counter, Roy was next to him, ordering a drink for himself.

“Not dancing tonight, chola?” he asked.

“Maybe a bit later” he decided, hoping that Roy wouldn’t read too much into his reluctance.

“As long as you save me a dance, okay?”

Shit, Roy thought, Why the fuck did I say that, this isn’t fucking prom night. Danny’s smile of agreement made him regret what he said a little bit less.

–

As the night went on, Danny became incredibly drunk. He was hoping that the more he drank, his confidence would build up and all his troubles would melt away. It was to no avail, however. His drunk-ness just made him even more reserved, which, in turn, made him want to drink more. Even going outside to smoke a joint set him even more on edge. He’d spent the entire night next to either Roy or Shane, ensuring that he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to spend time with anyone other than them, and he’d spent the entire night pretty much in the one spot, except for when he went outside to smoke. Danny just felt so overwhelmed; he was surrounded by people, music pounding in his ears. He really didn’t want to be there, and seeing his friends having fun really didn’t brighten his mood.

“Come dance, Danny!” Courtney grabbed his hand, and was pulling him away from his chair before he could protest. Before he knew it, he was standing in the middle of the dance floor next to Courtney, surrounded by other people. He tried to dance, but his moves were just stiff and awkward, and his head spinning from all the alcohol didn’t make dancing any easier. After a few minutes he finally started to relax a little bit, grabbing Courtney’s hands and swaying along to the beat. Okay, he thought, This isn’t so bad.

In the middle of dancing, one of his rings fell off his finger, so he bent down to get it, but when he stood back up, Courtney was nowhere to be seen. He instantly started to panic, looking around for her frantically.

“Courtney?” he called out, suddenly feeling the alcohol rush to his head. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, he thought, trying to push his way through the dancing crowd.

“Hey, babe, what’s wrong?” a tall man blocking Danny’s path asked seductively, grabbing onto his shoulders “Why are you moving so fast? Loosen up a bit, dance with me” he insisted, moving his grip to Danny’s hips.

“No, I…” Danny protested, trying to brush the man’s hands away. But he was too strong. Danny’s breathing became heavier, feeling himself panic even more.

“Calm down babe, I don’t bite”

“I…” Danny tried to speak, but his words were stuck in his throat as the man continued to dance, dangerously close to him.

“Hey, what happened to that dance you promised me, chola?” came an unmistakeable voice from behind him. Roy. Danny snapped his head around to face him, eyes wide and glassy.

“He’s dancing with me” the man protested.

“No, you’re dancing with him. Piss off, he’s not into twinks” Roy snapped. Danny suppressed a laugh, covering his mouth. Danny felt a smile creep up on his face as the man put his hands up in surrender and walked in the opposite direction.

“You okay?” Roy asked, trying to read Danny’s expression.

“Thank you,” he sighed, leaping onto Roy “I was dancing with Courtney and all of a sudden she was gone and then that guy-“

“Slow down, Danny, you’re okay” Roy whispered soothingly into his ear. They swayed on the spot, Danny’s head buried into the crook of Roy’s neck, Roy comfortingly playing with his hair with one hand, the other looped around his waist. A warm feeling spread across his chest as they stood there on the spot, and he couldn’t quite decipher what it was. The feeling of Danny pressed up against him, hugging him tightly, made him feel at home. And when Danny was in Roy’s arms, he felt safe. Like nothing could get to him. Neither of the wanted to let go.

“I need a drink” Danny’s head popped up suddenly, and he grasped onto Roy’s hands as he walked straight over to the bar. He ended up downing a few more shots rather quickly, as a concerned Roy watched on. Danny had no idea why he was moving so quickly all of a sudden. Perhaps the alcohol was finally starting to affect him in the right way, as though something had clicked into place.

“You’re gonna regret that in the morning, bitch” Roy warned, watching Danny grimace at the burning sensation from the alcohol.

“I’ll be fine” he brushed off, pulling a face “Come outside for a smoke with me” Danny started towards the exit without warning Roy had no choice but to follow after Danny; he was hurtling towards the door with reckless abandon.

When Roy finally caught up, Danny was leaning up against the wall, lighting a cigarette. He said nothing; they just stood in silence, listening to the night noises that surrounded them.

“It’s not like you to not want to dance with anyone,” Roy broke the silence, in an attempt to start a conversation, “Normally you’re out of here with trade before Courtney”

“I’m just not feeling it tonight…”Danny trailed off, blowing smoke rings into the air

“Why not?” Roy asked, a question he already knew the answer to.

“Because I don’t want anyone to see them” he drunkenly blurted out, too drunk to regret it.

“See what?” Roy asked, taken off guard.

“I can’t tell you” Danny giggled, lazily bringing a finger to his lips to indicate that it was a secret. Yep, the alcohol was definitely getting to his head now.

“Well that’s ominous, bitch” Roy chuckled, blaming Danny’s statement on the one too many shots he’d had earlier. Danny just nodded, still giggling slightly.

“Come on, I’m taking you home” Roy sighed, slinging an arm around Danny’s shoulder.

“Okay, Bonnie Del Rico” Danny giggled, clinging onto Roy for dear life. Once Danny was drunk enough to start calling Roy by his drag name, he knew it was definitely time for them to go home. After some struggling, they finally made it to the taxi Roy had called for, Danny drunkenly slurring something about hot cheetos in his ear. It was even more of a struggle to get Danny into the car.

“You know, Yanx…” Danny started, trying to make sense of his thoughts, “I didn’t like you when we first met”

“I know, bitch, I didn’t like you either” Roy replied, raising his eyebrows, wondering where this was going.

“But now, you’re like…you’re awesome, you know? You’re my sweet little willow” he really wasn’t making any sense anymore, and Roy could hardly figure out what Danny was saying. A smile spread across Roy’s cheeks.

“Yeah, and you’re my little pussyfart” Roy laughed, looking over at Danny. His eyes were half closed, and Roy’s heart pounded in his chest at the sight.

“I love you, B” Danny slurred, closing his eyes.

“I love you too, chola” Roy said softly, watching as Danny dozed off. It was a sweet image, until Roy realised that he would have to be the one to drag Danny back into the apartment. When the car pulled up, Roy thanked the driver and attempted to pick up his sleeping friend. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be; Danny instinctively wrapped his arms around Roy’s neck and nuzzled into his chest. When they finally made it to Roy’s apartment, he set Danny down on his bed, wrapping the covers around him. Not even a minute later, however, Danny was up again, searching for his makeup wipes.

“Bitch, did you pretend to be asleep?” Roy asked, trying his hardest to be annoyed.

“Maybe” Danny replied with a wink, wiping off all of his eye makeup in one go. He slipped off his boots, and was just about to change into sweatpants when he realised. What was he going to do about his scars?

“Uh, Roy?” he piped up.

“Yeah?”

“Could you get me my sweater from my bag? Its in the bathroom”

“The things I do for you, chola” Roy sighed exasperatedly, walking out of the room. “It’s the black one!” Danny called out after him. As soon as he was out of the room, Danny changed into his sweatpants as quickly as he could.

Roy rummaged through the mounds of clothes in Danny’s bag. He didn’t understand why Danny had so many clothes, or how he could fit all of them into such a small bag. Finally, he found the jacket and fished it out, turning to walk out of the room. A clinking sound stopped him however.

“What the fuck was that…” he muttered, turning back around. There was something silver, glinting on the bathroom floor, that had fallen out of Danny’s backpack. Roy bent down to pick it up, and inspected it. His heart stopped. It was a blade. It was a fucking blade. And there was dried blood on the tip of it. Roy couldn’t bring himself to move. Why the fuck did Danny have a blood-covered blade in his backpack?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for slight s*lf harm mentions/really light smut?

When Roy returned with Danny’s sweater, he was snuggled under the covers and scrolling through his phone, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Thanks, bitch” he said, as he took the sweater from Roy. Judging by the way his head spun as he pulled the sweater over his head, he was still very drunk. When everything came back into focus, he noticed that Roy was watching him intently, glued to the spot.

“What?” Danny asked, smirking softly at the sight of Roy’s face deep in thought

“Nothing.” Roy responded hastily, breaking eye contact and turning to close the curtains.

Danny furrowed his eyebrows. There was obviously something wrong, but he just decided to ask him about it in the morning, the warmth of the bed winning over his conscience.

Roy paused at the window. Frankly, he was afraid to ask Danny about the blade. But he had to; what if Danny was unsafe? He couldn’t think of any reason as to why he would have a blade like that in his backpack- it was small and silver, and wouldn’t do much good for protecting himself. And to top it all off, there was blood on it. Roy was distressed at the thought of it, which was exactly why he had to ask.

“Danny?” he started

“Yeah?” he responded sleepily, not opening his eyes.

“Why is there a blade in your backpack?”

This made Danny’s eyes shoot wide open, taken completely by surprise. Holy fuck, what was he going to say? He didn’t want Roy to judge him for self-harming, or even worse become over protective and treat him differently.

“Danny?” Roy pressed, when Danny didn’t respond.

“Oh-” he came back to reality, suddenly out of his bewildered trance “Umm…just for protection, you know, in case anything happens” Danny lied, hoping that Roy wouldn’t ask any further.

“Oh yeah, sure, Danny, the ‘ummm’ made it really convincing” Roy snapped, letting his concern for Danny take control of his temper. Danny flinched.

“There was blood on it” Roy continued, using a softer voice this time.

Roy looked into Danny’s wide green eyes. Even though they were staring right back at him, Roy could tell that he was lost in thought. He could see the worry in his eyes, and Roy instantly felt guilty. He quickly walked over to the bed and knelt down, grasping Danny’s hand and giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Look, I don’t want to force anything out of you, so you don’t have to tell me anything, but… fuck, Danny, I just want to know that you’re safe” Roy’s voice broke, taking the both of them by surprise. Once again, Roy was met with silence.

“Are you safe?” Roy pressed. Danny nodded, blinking away tears. He didn’t want to fucking cry, again.

“You’re okay?”

Danny nodded once more, although this time he hesitated.

“Okay. Now, scoot over, chola, you’re on my side of the bed”

Danny moved over slightly to give Roy some space. But it was short lived, because the still drunk and highly emotional side of Danny wanted to cuddle, moving in closer to press himself up against Roy as soon as he got into the bed. Roy, who was still incredibly anxious and worried for his friend, honestly wanted to push Danny away, but he couldn’t bring himself to. So he wrapped his arms tightly around Danny, watching as the younger man buried his head in his chest.

Danny was shaking with quiet tears, and he really didn’t want Roy to notice them. It was honestly getting ridiculous how much he’d cried in the past few days, and even he was starting to get annoyed with it, so he could only imagine how Roy felt. He was internally screaming at himself to stop crying, and to stop being so clingy towards Roy. But the way Roy wrapped his arms around Danny made him never want to move again.

Roy knew that Danny was trying to hide his tears, and he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. He was shaking, his arms wrapped tightly around Roy’s waist, and every now and then would let out a small sob. Roy bent down and kissed his friend on the head, letting his lips linger there for a while, soothingly rubbing his arm up and down Danny’s back. He had always been the emotional type, but something about this seemed different. Danny was clearly struggling, and Roy couldn’t stand seeing his best friend in this state.

“Hey” Roy said, softly placing his hand on Danny’s chin and lifting up his head. The tears made his green eyes stand out, and Roy quickly shook the thought from his head. Danny sniffed.

“Please don’t cry” Roy continued, wiping away his tears.. Danny bit his lip, and looked up at Roy. Roy brought a hand up to rest on Danny’s shoulder, his heart was beating incredibly quickly. He didn’t know what it was, but in the moment, just looking at Danny made his head spin… Danny’s heart was beating just as fast, looking Roy dead in the eyes, trying to read his expression.

Then, without warning, Roy pulled Danny towards him. Danny thought he was being pulled in for a hug, so he couldn’t contain his shock when he felt Roy’s lips brush softly against his. Danny let out a small gasp, but found himself responding before Roy could pull away, kissing back softly. It was probably the alcohol, but Danny felt as though this was right.

He wrapped his arms around Roy’s waist and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. Roy let out a moan, smiling against the kiss, and ran his fingers through Danny’s hair. The both of them were breathing heavily, Danny’s hands exploring Roy’s body as he tugged on his bottom lip. Their tongues worked together, and Danny started to lift Roy’s shirt over his head. They briefly pulled apart so he could take his shirt off before crashing their lips back together again. Danny’s head was spinning; he couldn’t believe this was happening. He was making out with his best friend, and it was heading in the direction of something much more than a make out session. It was all moving so fast, but Danny didn’t care. As quickly as he could, he took off his sweater and t-shirt, fervently kissing Roy once more, wrapping his legs around his waist. Roy could feel that he was hard-they both were. Roy wanted him right now. He grabbed Danny’s ass, pulling him in closer and moving down to kiss his neck. Danny threw his head back, moaning at the sensation. Roy’s hands moved over to the waistband of Danny’s pants, and he began to pull them down.

Danny’s eyes widened, and he quickly pushed away, moving off of Roy’s lap and trying to regain his breath. He couldn’t let Roy see his scars; he was too ashamed of them. But now, he had pulled away, and probably ruined everything. Including his friendship with Roy.

“What’s wrong?” Roy asked. He already knew the answer. He’d gone too far, and now Danny was weirded out.

“I…” Danny started. He didn’t know what to say. Every part of him felt that kissing Roy was so right, and he honestly wanted to tell himself that the scars on his legs could get fucked and keep going. But, when he started to speak again, he found himself lying.

“I can’t do this,” he lied, voice breaking as hot tears streamed down his cheeks “You’re my best friend, and we’ve both been drinking and…I’m sorry” he pulled his t-shirt back on and got out of bed, “I’m just gonna go” Danny turned to walk away, but Roy stopped him.

“Wait, don’t go.” Roy watched Danny pause at the doorway. “It’s dark outside and you’re still a bit drunk. If anything happened to you I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself”.

Danny turned on the spot.

“Well, what do you want me to do then, Roy?” he snapped, letting his frustration get the better of him. Roy was taken aback by his tone.

“The spare room is on the last door to the left” Roy replied softly, left in shock as Danny quickly left the room. What the fuck just happened?

—

Danny was reeling. After two hours of trying his hardest to distract himself and get some sleep, it was to no avail. Now it was 4:30 am, and he was staring mindlessly at the ceiling. He’d just ruined everything with Roy, possibly even their friendship. Of course he had to pull away and let his issues with self-harm take over another part of his life. Suddenly, he felt his cheeks redden with anger. He was letting the scars on his thighs control his lifestyle, and he was starting to get sick of it. But he couldn’t stop; cutting himself had become a habit, or more like a routine, that he couldn’t quite break. It wasn’t something he necessarily did when he was feeling anxious or in the middle of a breakdown, it was like a regular thing. Most of the time when he did it, he was completely numb. Danny needed to get help. Every logical part of him was telling to get support, and to tell somebody. But his self-destructive behaviours got the best of him and stopped him from doing so. Danny was wrestling with himself, and it was exhausting. But the thing that scared him the most was that if not for his scars, Danny would have had sex with Roy that night. Up until the point that Roy kissed him, Danny had never really thought of Roy in any way other than from a place of friendship. He knew that a lot of fans shipped them together, calling them ‘biadore’, which Danny honestly found hilarious. But Roy kissing him opened his eyes to a lot of feelings that were hiding, and he honestly regretted pulling away from him as soon as he started to get close to his scars, but it was almost like a reflex.

But Danny was certain that there were definitely some feelings there, and wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol speaking. All he knew that if these feelings were genuine, then he was scared as hell. Not only would he be shamed for having a crush on someone 14 years older than him, but he could potentially ruin things with Roy, someone who he had no choice but to spend a lot of time with.

He just needed to sleep on it, and sober up a bit more. He sighed and rolled over to check the time: 4:57. This was going to be a long fucking night.

—

Roy was awoken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table. Groaning, he rolled over and picked it up; it was a text from Shane.

Shane: Hey, did Danny go home with you last night? He’s not answering his phone and I just want to make sure he’s okay.

Roy sighed and sat up in bed. What a lovely way to be reminded of the events of the night before. He tried his hardest to shake the thought from his mind.

Roy: Yeah, he did. I just woke up though, not sure if he’s still here, I’ll go check. How did your trade go last night?

He tried to steer the conversation away from Danny, and got out of bed, stomping over to the spare room. Danny wasn’t in there, and the bed was messy and unmade. He’d obviously hadn’t slept very well. Roy noticed a piece of paper on the end of the bed, so he went to pick it up. It was a note from Danny, written in his messy scrawl.

Roy,

I had to go. I promise we’ll catch up soon and talk about shit, I haven’t forgotten about that coffee you owe me, bitch.

xx Danny

Roy’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of the two little kisses that Danny had left written at the end of the note. Maybe Danny wasn’t weirded out about what happened last night? He quickly texted Shane to let him know that Danny had left, and went into the kitchen.

His eyes widened at the realisation that he’d forgotten to feed Sammy and DeDe the night before, so he quickly grabbed the food from the cupboard and went outside. The dogs didn’t come running to him like they normally would, and he furrowed his brows. His expression softened, however, when he saw where the dogs were. Sammy was curled up on a sleeping Danny’s lap, and DeDe was under his arm. Danny must have gone out for a cigarette and fallen asleep outside. Roy’s heart warmed; he just looked so peaceful. How was it possible that someone could look so beautiful sleeping?

The dogs perked up at the sight of Roy and jumped off of Danny’s lap, running towards Roy and barking.

“Shh…” he scolded, not wanted them to wake Danny up. It was too late, thought. Danny’s eyes flickered open, squinting in the sunlight.

“Morning” Roy greeted blankly, scraping some food into the dog’s bowls.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep out here” Danny apologised, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s okay”

Danny stood up and brushed himself off, slipping his carton of cigarettes back into his pocket.

“I should go” he announced, grabbing his bag. Roy followed him inside, and found himself walking Danny to the door.

“Look, about last night…” he started. Danny stared down at him, making Roy’s breathing heavy “Let’s just pretend it never happened, okay? We were both drunk and neither of us were really thinking straight”

Roy could have sworn a look of disappointment flash across Danny’s face.

“Yeah, ok” Danny nodded. They were met with an uncomfortable silence.

“I’ll see you soon, chola” Roy stated, not expecting it when Danny pulled him in for a hug.

“Bye, Roy” Danny said hoarsely, holding onto him tightly.

And then he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: well boy has it been a hot minute since I updated this fic. This chapter’s been sitting in my folder for ages, and after nearly a full damn year of not updating, she back. Life just got super busy, and I actually became more of a twitter stan so I wasn’t really on tumblr that much. But, nevertheless, here I am! I’m gonna try write and update a bit more frequently at least until I get this done, because I got a bit attached to this fic to be completely honest. Hope y'all enjoy xx
> 
> TW: s*lf h*rm mention, weed, swearing

Roy didn’t hear from him again for another two weeks. Although upset, he decided to leave Danny be for a while, so he didn’t seem too eager. But then a week and a half went by, and Roy started to get frustrated. It seemed as though Danny was ignoring him. Obviously, the kiss had bothered him to the point that he needed to keep his distance.

The events of that night continued to play out in Roy’s head. Everything from his comforting Danny to the feeling of his soft, plump lips against his. The look of disappointment he could have sworn that Danny had when he said that they should forget the kiss ever happened (however this was probably just Roy’s mind playing tricks on him). He didn’t regret the kiss, not one bit. He’d been wanting to kiss Danny for a long time, and it felt amazing to finally let out all the pent-up emotions he’d had toward the younger queen. But what he did regret was that he had clearly taken it too far. Danny had jolted away so quickly as soon as Roy reached down for his pants that Roy thought he had accidentally hurt him or something. But that wasn’t the case. What confused him, however, was that Danny had taken off both of their shirts, instigating something a little bit more than a make out session, yet pulled away so fast, and so suddenly. Like he was repulsed. Roy had mulled the entire situation over, unable to stop himself from thinking about it, and he realised that Danny probably had a reality check. Sobered up a little bit, and realised what it was that he was doing. And Roy would be lying if he said that the thought of that didn’t make his heart sink.

The only other thing he regretted was not asking more about that fucking blade. Sure, he didn’t want to pry anything out of Danny, or make him uncomfortable. But there was clearly something wrong; Danny was normally really emotional ; he cried a lot; and often thought with his heart and not his head. And it was understandable for him to be upset, since he’d just had a mental breakdown, which had been filmed and would most likely end up being broadcast on television. However there was something off about Danny, like there was something more there that he wasn’t telling anyone. And Roy knew that this blade had something do to it, judging by the way Danny completely froze when he brought it up. And as much as he didn’t want to think about it, the first thing that sprung to mind was that Danny could be cutting himself. It made lots of sense for this to be the case; the blade in the backpack and Danny’s clear nervousness when Roy asked about the blade suggested it. Even though this was most likely what was the problem, Roy desperately hoped that this wasn’t the case. Danny deserved the world, and Roy didn’t want to see him anything but happy.

Roy caught himself smiling thinking of him; thinking of his gorgeous smile and infectious laugh; his carefree, messy attitude that Roy admired; how gorgeous his green eyes were. Holy fuck, he was in deep for this boy and he was only just realising it now. The feelings had always been there, he just never admitted them to himself until that damn kiss. But when Danny pulled away, that’s when Roy knew that he could confirm that these feelings were more than just a little crush. Never before had he felt such disappointment, such a strong feeling of emotional frustration, the feeling of a strong lump forming in his throat as he choked back tears. Because he knew. He knew that Danny saw him only as a friend and this bothered Roy more than he cared to admit.

Roy was in the middle of a rollercoaster of emotions and it was fucking exhausting. And on top of all of this, he was worried about Danny. At first, he thought that he was just distancing himself from Roy, especially after the kiss. But then, after two weeks of Danny being inactive on social media, and multiple texts from some of the All Stars 2 queens asking after him due to him not responding to their messages, the only thing on Roy’s mind was whether Danny was okay. And before he knew it, Roy had found himself sitting in his car outside the front of Danny’s apartment.

He was debating with himself as to if he should go and see Danny. He didn’t want to seem like he was pushy or anything, he just needed to know that his friend was okay. And despite the somewhat positive note that their last meeting had ended with, Roy was terrified to confront Danny. However, his legs were carrying him to the front door before he could even consider driving away.

As he knocked on the door, his breathing grew uneven. After a few seconds, he heard movement behind the door and his breath hitched in his throat. Quickly, he tried to relax his face a bit and even out his breathing. Never let a bitch see you sweat.

The front door swung open, and Roy was immediately met with the strong smell of weed and the sound of David Bowie being played over the speakers… He looked up to see Danny, and he could have sworn that his heart skipped a beat. His black hair was dishevelled and messy, yet adorable, and he had some intense stubble. His face was slightly red, and a little bit puffy, bags circling his eyes, but he somehow still looked beautiful. To top it off he was wearing long pyjama pants and an oversized t shirt, and he looked so incredibly cozy.

Danny’s expression softened slightly when he saw that it was Roy on the other side of his door.

“Hey, chola” Roy said, with a small smile.

“Hey, bitch” Danny smiled, running a hand through his messy hair and leaning slightly against the doorframe.

“Good to see you’re still alive, I was coming over here to check on you” Roy immediately justified, “Obviously you haven’t been responding to anyone’s texts because you’ve been too busy turning your house into a hot box, Laganja”.

Danny pulled a face. 

“My phone’s been on airplane mode, you asshole,” he laughed, with a smile that seemed more like a grimace, “Come in.” Danny grabbed Roy’s hand and pulled him inside.

“Why’s it been on airplane mode?” Roy asked, noticing the multiple cigarette butts and empty beer bottles littered all around the house, mostly on the floor of the lounge room.

Danny slumped down on the couch and attempted to clean up a bit.

“I’ve just been having a bit of a creative rush, I needed space to concentrate”

“Did you get anything done?” Roy asked, finding a place to sit.

“Yeah, I started writing a few songs!” Danny’s eyes lit up, immediately stopping his cleaning quest and dropping the beer bottles back on the coffee table again. Roy couldn’t help but smirk. “Do you wanna hear?”

Roy bit his lip to suppress a grin.

“Of course queen! I can pay you with love instead of money for once, being your sugar daddy can get a bit boring sometimes”

Danny laughed and hit him lightly on the shoulder, but Roy was instantly kicking himself for referring to himself as Danny’s ‘sugar daddy’, especially after what happened the last time they saw each other. Danny didn’t seem to take any notice of it, however, and Roy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, so I don’t know what to call this one yet but I’m really proud of what I have so far, I just have a verse and the chorus-”

“Just sing, chola” Roy jokingly snapped, a warm smile on his face as he interjected the younger boy’s blabbering.

Danny, although not showing it, was incredibly nervous. This song was written about Roy, and Danny really hoped that he wouldn’t pick up on it. But he was too proud of what he had written to keep it hidden away, so he was going to take the risk. When his breathing calmed down, he opened his mouth and sang.

Road trip when I lost my crown

To get away from this crazy town

He never seemed to look my way

My lover stays with his poker face…

You know how they say I only have eyes for you?

Well you better be looking back at me babe…

Said you better be looking back at me babe

You know how they say I only have eyes for you?

Well you better be looking back at me babe…

Said you better be looking back at me babe

It always shocked Roy when Danny started singing. He would always forget how amazing his voice was until he heard it again, and every time he did he was caught by surprise. And hearing it like this; singing such a beautiful song…it left Roy absolutely floored.

“That’s all I’ve got so far” Danny told him, biting his lip and waiting for feedback.

“Wow, Danny…that was amazing” Roy complimented, breathless, looking up at a beaming Danny.

“I’m so fuckin proud of myself, you have no idea”

“That’s so great, willow” Roy grinned “But just please don’t disappear like that again; I was worried about you”

“I’m sorry” Danny sighed, comfortingly squeezing Roy’s shoulder “I just needed some space”

“I know.“ Roy said softly, “But, Queen, I got so many texts asking if I knew whether you were okay, I couldn’t even get through them all”

“Oh shit, really?”

“No one’s heard from you for two weeks, Danny”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t really think too much of it” Danny frowned, reaching over to his phone and switching off airplane mode for the first time in 2 weeks. Immediately, it erupted with thousands of notifications, and Danny’s eyes widened.

“I don’t see how you managed to go without your phone for so long, that’s some impressive shit, Danny” Roy scoffed sarcastically. Danny hummed in agreement, with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Roy assumed he was focusing on something on his phone, so he didn’t think anything of it.

Danny was telling the truth; he had spent the last two weeks writing music. But it wasn’t the whole truth. The past fortnight had consisted of him sleeping, moping around, chain smoking (and then getting upset when he struggled to hit the high notes), drinking, eating junk, cutting most days, and spending most of the time completely zoned out. And on top of all of this, he hadn’t showered in a while, and probably smelled like death. He wasn’t going to tell Roy, though; he had done so much to comfort Danny recently, and he didn’t want to be weak in front of someone so strong.

“I better let people know I’m not dead” Danny scoffed, picking up his phone and trying to avoid the oncoming silence between them.

“Good idea, queen. Twitter’s been going off wondering where the hell you disappeared to”

As Danny typed up a tweet, Roy’s mind was whirring. How long was it going to be before they talked about what happened between them? Was it even something they needed to talk about, or was he just reading to far into the situation? Was it just him feeling the sexual tension between them? He didn’t want to ruin the mood; even though Roy could tell it was a façade, Danny seemed happy and vibrant, and he didn’t really want to make things uncomfortable. So, albeit hesitantly, Roy kept his mouth shut.

“Do you have any plans for today?” Danny asked, breaking his train of thought.

“No, I don’t think so, why?”

“We’re having a movie day” Danny announced, putting down his phone and pulling Roy over to the couch before he could protest.

“Maybe I should clean up a little bit first, though” Danny mused, beginning to gather up the multiple empty beer cans strewn across the room.

“You think, queen? It looks like something blew up in here” Roy stated dryly, proceeding to help his friend clear everything away, “How the fuck do you live like this?”

“I’m a messy slut” Danny winked.

After they had cleaned the living room, Danny was walking toward the couch cradling a six pack of beers and a large bowl of popcorn.

“There you go, chola” Danny handed Roy a beer and carefully sat down on the couch.

“You can choose what we watch, queen, I don’t mind” Roy normally wouldn’t be so quick to let Danny choose what they watched, most of their movie nights involving lots and lots of negotiations, but Roy wanted to make him happy. They finally decided on Halloween (Danny’s favourite move), and as the credits started an uncomfortable silence suddenly fell over the pair of them. And what made it so uncomfortable was that they were sitting on either end of the couch, as far away from each other as possible.

Roy shifted in his spot, nervously taking quite a large sip of his beer. The strange silence was obviously the product of their kiss two weeks ago; otherwise they’d be cuddled up on the couch together, a calming and comfy silence shared between the two of them, just like normal. But because of the kiss, they were as far away from each other as they possibly could be on the couch. The kiss was playing on the back of both of their minds, and the thought of it was exactly what made the air awkward. It was almost like they were scared to get too close to each other, afraid of what would happen if someone initiated any type of contact, even if it was platonic.

And Danny didn’t like the atmosphere one bit. He quickly became jittery and anxious, bouncing his leg up and down as he tried to focus on the movie. For some reason, Roy’s silence made Danny assume that he was mad or something about the fact that he had pulled away from the kiss. And Danny didn’t like the thought of Roy being upset at him one bit. Unable to shut his mind up, he abruptly rushed out of the room, returning with a bong and some of his weed stash. As he placed everything down on the coffee table, Roy watched his shaky hands set everything out.

“Chola, you do realise that if you keep smoking that shit you’re gonna wreck your voice” Roy commented, watching Danny lean his back against the couch as he ground the weed up.

“I know” Danny snapped. Roy opened his mouth to respond, but was left lost for words. Danny obviously needed to smoke to calm himself down, so Roy decided not to comment.

Danny visibly relaxed as soon as he took a hit; his shoulders drooping lazily; his breathing slowing and eyes closing. But Roy couldn’t figure out why he seemed so on edge in the first place; normally he was relaxed when they were around each other, Danny always saying that Roy was one of the few people who could keep him calm. Jesus Christ, Roy thought, This kiss has really fucked things up. He hoped and prayed that things were only awkward because it was still fresh in their minds.

The smell of weed immediately filled to room, and Roy screwed up his nose.

“Sorry. I’m just a bit on edge” Danny admitted, distracting himself by blowing smoke rings into the air.

“I can tell. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine” Danny gave him a reassuring smile. “Come here” Danny grabbed his phone and pulled Roy in close to him, holding it up to take a picture of them. Roy pouted his lips and used the picture as an excuse to nestle into Danny as close as he could. When Danny took the picture, he kept his head resting against Roy’s chest as he captioned it.

‘Movie nights with this fucker @thebiancadelrio’

Roy grinned softly at the caption, watching as Danny posted it to his Instagram. He kept his head resting against Roy’s chest and brought his attention back to the movie. The weed had calmed him down to a point that he was feeling brave.

His body tensed up at first, but eventually Roy casually looped his arm around Danny’s waist and snuggled into him. And in that moment, everything was perfect. Neither of them were uncomfortable. Neither of them were unhappy. They were just wrapped around each other, savouring the intimate moment.

Danny was trying to watch the movie, but his mind was focusing on how lovely it felt to be cuddled up next to Roy like this. He had a warm feeling across his chest from the weed, and he was contentedly sleepy, eyes half shut. The atmosphere had suddenly gone from awkward to comfortable, and Danny was so fucking glad. His mind was racing, however, struggling to steer his thoughts away from Roy to focus on the film he’d already seen so many times. It was much easier said than done. After debating with his head, Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Fuck it, he thought, turning his head to face Roy.

“Roy” Danny asked, looking up at the older man. Roy stared down at him with a warm smile on his face. Danny stared at him like he was trying to memorise how his face looked, smiling softly as his eyes scanned the dark brown eyes, olive skin and dark stubble on his jaw.

“Yeah?” Roy asked, eyes unable to move away from Danny’s.

Before Danny could change his mind, he quickly pressed his lips against Roy’s in a small peck, leaving them there for a little while. When Danny felt Roy softly kiss back, his stomach lurched, and he tried his hardest to suppress a grin. Then he broke the kiss with another peck, before whipping his head back around to focus on the movie again, nestling his head back into Roy’s shoulder, trying to hide the massive smile on his face. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, moving in closer.

Roy’s eyes widened, completely taken by surprise. Grinning like an idiot (and grateful that Danny’s back was turned so he couldn’t see the look on his face), Roy bent down and pressed a kiss to Danny’s forehead before shifting slightly and nestling into him.Roy had never had such a blissful moment in his life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: here's chapter 6, fuckers. i told y'all i was gonna update more frequently. I ended up talking a bit about Adore's fans in this chapter because I recently met her and I'm still incredibly soft and happy about it. Also, a couple of weeks ago she tweeted "I'd be dead without them" in regards to her fans and it gave me a bit of inspo. But anyway, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> T/W for s*lf h*rm / blood

Danny didn’t think he’d ever been this scared before. Hastily, he splashed his face with water and looked up at his reflection in the mirror, the leftover water dripping from his chin. The light in the bathroom dimly illuminated the room, and he noticed it was slightly flickering. He sighed and ran his hands through his scruffy black hair, sinking down to the ground and resting his back against the wall. 5 minutes earlier, he had woken up on the couch with a start. He had obviously had a bad dream, because he was in a cold sweat and was breathing heavy, but he couldn’t remember what it was about. Then, he saw a sleeping Roy’s arm draped around his waist and then he remembered where he was, and fragments of the dream came back to him. Roy had walked in on him cutting himself, but that was the least of his worries. Roy had grabbed the blade from his hand and was hurling insults at him, yelling straight in his face that he was frail, and pathetic and lazy, all while using the blade to cut at Danny’s thighs himself, and in the dream Danny could only watch as pools of blood stained the floor. The thought of the dream sent a shiver down his spine, and he suddenly felt incredibly claustrophobic next to Roy. So, he carefully unwrapped himself from Roy’s arms and now, here he was in the bathroom, struggling to breathe. The dream had been so vivid, and he could still see Roy’s enraged face screaming at him. 

He buried his head in his hands, feeling just about ready to tear his hair out. Maybe this was he’s mind’s way of warning him against kissing Roy again, warning him against potentially becoming more than friends? The dream was only part of the reason why he was scared; the other part of it was what Roy was going to say when he woke up. Danny didn’t even know where he wanted their relationship to stand, but he knew that Roy would dismiss the events of the night before like he did last time they kissed, blaming it on the beer, or the atmosphere. And even though he was confused as to his feelings for the older man, for some reason the thought of his potential dismissal made him heartbroken. Part of him just wanted to avoid the whole situation, leave a note and leave, and then ghost Roy until the whole situation was forgotten. But then he remembered he was at his own damn house, and kicked himself. His head was spinning, going back and forth from his dream to his feelings for Roy with each passing second. He could hardly breathe as he thought about everything, thinking about how even if he did like Roy, there was no way Roy would like him back. Thoughts of self-deprecation filled his head, thinking of how he was weak, selfish and stupid he was, how he was too pathetic for Roy to even consider a relationship with him. Was that even what Danny wanted? A relationship? The comments he received on the main stage during All Stars filled his head, and he felt like the voices were screaming at him. Everything the judges had said were right. 

Tears filled his eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore, and with shaking hands he opened the bathroom cabinet and loosely grasped the silver blade he kept there. Danny felt like he had blacked out for a second, and when he regained sense of what was happening around him he noticed the fresh cuts on his thighs, blood pooling from them, and small cuts along his wrists, a place he’d never brought the blade to before. With wide eyes, his hands trembled, and he dropped the blade. A small ‘clang’ noise echoed through the room, as Danny brought his legs up to his chest and sobbed into his knees, tears mixing with blood. 

-

Danny wasn’t there when Roy woke up. The sun was peeking out through the blinds, stinging Roy’s eyes as he sat up on the couch. The TV was still on, muted, and the house was eerily quiet. The only sign of Danny was his phone placed on the coffee table, his ‘sick sad world’ phone case facing upwards. Roy grabbed his own phone from the coffee table, checking his social media, hoping to hear a sign of movement in the house. 10 minutes passed, and still the only noise he could hear was the sound of his own breathing. Confused, he put his phone in his pocket, looking around the house. 

“Danny?” he called out, in a hoarse voice. No response. With a sigh, he stood up and walked down the hallway. 

“Dan?” again, no response. He gently opened the door to the bedroom; surprisingly, the bed was made, and obviously hadn’t been touched in a while. When he walked into the room he saw what he expected Danny’s room to be; messy as hell, with clothes strewn about everywhere, letters and drawings from fans on the walls. With a soft smile, he walked over to a cluster of them on the wall next to his bed, scanning some of the letters. He really did mean so much to so many people, and all of the messages were so heartfelt. Danny treated all of his fans with so much love. Shaking the thoughts from his head and remembering what he was doing, he called out for Danny one last time. Still nothing. He checked the ensuite and Danny’s music room, but still nothing. The last place he could be was the spare bathroom. Roy went to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge. Locked. He looked down at the ground and noticed the faintest light billowing out from underneath the door. Gently, he knocked. 

“Danny, are you in there?” 

The only reply he received was silence. Hesitantly, Roy knocked again. No movement could be heard, at all. 

“Danny, don’t make me knock this goddamn door down, I’m too old for that shit” he joked, in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

“J….just go away, Roy” he heard Danny reply. The voice shocked him. He could tell that Danny had been crying. After a moment, Roy sat down with his back against the door. 

“You know I’m not gonna do that, Dan. What’s wrong?” he persisted, his head turned to the side so it rested against the door. 

“Please, Roy” came the broken voice from behind the door “I’m fine, just leave me alone”. Danny tried to sound like he was bitter, angry even, to give Roy the message to back off, but he just ended up sounding whiny and sad. 

“Danny, you’re not fine…I can tell” Roy responded. Danny didn’t say anything. “If you let me in, you don’t have to say anything. I just want to see you, and comfort you, and make sure you’re okay. Can you let me do that?”

Danny had never really heard Roy speak like that before. So kindly, so…softly. Roy heard movement; a cupboard closing, water running. And then the sound of the lock on the door turning. He stood up and pushed the door open. He was greeted with sunken, bloodshot green eyes and wet cheeks. 

“Danny…” his breath hitched at the sight of the younger boy. Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around Danny’s neck and hugged him tightly. Danny responded by loosely wrapping his arms around Roy’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Roy rubbed his back soothingly. Danny’s body shook violently as he tried to stifle his tears. 

“Shh…” Roy whispered into his ear, squeezing him tight “Everything’s okay. I’ve got you”

Danny was taken aback by Roy’s behaviour. He’d never been this, well… soft before. Normally if Danny felt like shit Roy would just hug him, and tell sarcastic jokes to lighten the mood. But now he was acting tender and caring, and it was a completely different side of him. 

When they pulled apart, Danny stumbled and grabbed onto the doorframe for support, in a sudden rush of lightheadedness. He went starry eyed for a second, and he swore he was about to black out, but Roy held him up. 

“Are you alright?” he asked urgently. 

“I…I need some water” Danny announced, starting towards the kitchen. 

“No,” Roy stopped him in his tracks “I’ll get it. Just…wait here” 

Roy quickly walked over to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, as well as grabbing a half empty bag of Ruffles (Danny’s favourite) from the pantry for good measure. He grabbed Danny’s phone for him on the way out, as well. When he returned to the hallway, Danny was no longer there. Roy could still see him, though; at the end of the hall he could see him sitting on his bed, looking through a book. There were a pile of papers next to him as well. Roy slowly approached him, and as he got closer, he smiled sadly as he realised they were all letters from fans. Danny looked up and grabbed the water from Roy, gulping it down as though he’d just spent months stranded in the desert. 

“Thanks” he said, in a small voice, before running his hands over the page of the book he held in his hands. Roy could now see it was a little sketchbook, filled with messy scrawl. Slowly, he sat down on the bed, careful not to disrupt the pile of papers next to Danny. Before Roy could speak, Danny broke the silence. 

“Whenever I feel like shit, I look through all this stuff” he croaked, turning the page as his mouth contorted into a smile that honestly looked more like a grimace “They keep me going” he admitted. Roy smiled at him, placing a hand on his knee. 

“You keep them going” he responded, causing Danny to nod and quickly wipe a tear from his cheek “So many people love you” 

“No…they love Adore” 

“You’re Adore, aren’t you?” 

Danny paused. 

“Yeah… I guess” he agreed. Recently, he’d been incorporating more of Danny into his drag persona, and it made him feel so much more confident. Danny and Adore had kind of become one. 

“Who’s that from?” Roy asked, gesturing to the book Danny held in his hands.   
The younger boy’s face lit up as he told the story of an underage fan he met outside the venue at a show, flicking through the pages of the sketchbook and showing him all the drawings and messages the fan had left him. Then, he moved onto the next letter, in the pile, and the next one, telling Roy countless stories about some of the lovely experiences he’d had with fans, talking of his “favourite babies”, as he referred to some of them. Roy could tell that his spirits had instantly been lifted, as the only tears that fell were happy ones. 

“I don’t deserve them” Danny bit his lip, shaking his head. 

“Of course you do. You deserve the world, Danny” Roy looked him dead in the eye, and Danny felt a shiver down his spine. He reached over for Roy’s hand and grabbed it, giving it a small squeeze. 

“I love you” he mustered, his chest tight with fear of how Roy was going to respond. He’d told him he loved him before, but this time, after the events of the night before and all the thoughts running through his head about their relationship, it felt different. 

“I love you, chola” Roy responded, with a wink. Danny smiled weakly in response. 

“I think I’m gonna try and get some sleep” he said, rubbing at his eyes to emphasise how tired he had suddenly become. 

“That’s probably a good idea” Roy agreed, letting go of Danny’s hand and standing up “I might get going now”

Danny’s shoulders dropped slightly, but not enough for Roy to notice. 

“I’ll walk you to the door-“ Danny attempted to get up, but Roy held his hand out. 

“I’m fine, just get some sleep, Dan”

“Alright” Danny smiled up at him while he tied his long black hair up into a bun on the top of his head. Roy’s heart melted; he looked adorable. 

“Bye, pussyfart” he leant down to hug him. 

“Bye, my love” Danny responded, breaking away from the hug slightly to look at Roy. Time seemed to stand still for a second, as they looked at each other. Danny slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips against Roy’s, butterflies in his stomach. All the tension in his body released when Roy kissed back, and Danny was the one to break the kiss. He smiled up at the older man and bit his lip, unloosing his hands from his waist and shuffling towards his pillows. 

“Bye, Danny” Roy said softly, swiftly exiting the room as Danny snuggled under the covers and grabbed his phone. He heard the door close as he unlocked his phone and opened twitter. After scrolling through some of his mentions and replying to DM’s, he started to write a tweet, pressing send with a smile on his face. 

It read “I love you all so, so much”. Instantly, hundreds of likes and replies came through, and his heart warmed. Danny fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

-

DANNY: I have a show tonight, you wanna come watch? I might just buy you a drink ;)

Roy smiled down at his phone screen. Nearly a week had passed since they last saw each other, and they hadn’t really had any other form of communication since then other than liking or commenting on each other’s instagram photos, but apart from that, nothing. So, seeing a text from Danny lightened his mood a little bit. 

ROY: Of course I do, bitch. You know I’m your number 1 fan

DANNY: fuckin cool 

Roy scoffed slightly at the response, taking a screenshot when Danny sent him the details for the venue. He was not only excited to see Danny, but also Adore. He hadn’t seen Adore perform in a very long time. She was a natural born performer, and she always had the widest smile on her face while on stage that made Roy so happy. He was also excited to possibly see the products of his ‘creative rush’ that made him go MIA for two weeks. When it came to music, Danny knew what the fuck he was doing, and was arguably the best drag musician out there. It made Roy so proud to see Adore receive the success she deserved. His phone buzzing dragged him out of his thoughts, and he looked down to see a twitter notification. He ignored it, standing up and walking over to his room to get changed. He realised that he’d spent the past week catching himself in the middle of deep thought about Danny. Roy didn’t know what is was; he just couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him, and the kisses they shared. Part of him loved it, and he would constantly think back to the blissful feeling of them cuddled up on the couch together. And then his mind would wander back to the night they first kissed, when Danny had pulled away so suddenly, almost as if he had been burnt by something. The thought of that night honestly made him feel sick. Roy was just baffled as to where their relationship stood, as neither of them really had the balls to discuss it properly. But maybe tonight, when they had a couple of drinks in them to boost their confidence, they would talk about shit. Roy didn’t understand why he even had an urge to talk about it in the first place; he didn’t even know what he wanted, what he thought about what had happened between them, and he was tempted to just avoid the whole situation. But, knowing what Danny was like after a few drinks, it wasn’t really something he could avoid. Roy couldn’t get his brain to shut up. This was going to be an interesting night.


End file.
